The One Where Chandler Is King, But Who Is Queen?
by Exintaris
Summary: A plan of Janice's went wrong, with the result that Chandler is now with Monica. But Janice has discovered that she was tricked, and intends revenge. LAST CHAPTER NOW UP.
1. The Setup, and Unexpected Developments

TOW Chandler Is King, But Who Is Queen

**The One Where Chandler Is King, But Who Is Queen?**

Author's Note: Okay, here we go. Enough interest has been shown for me to attempt a sequel to this, as I suggested in what I posted as 'Chapter 2'. In a new arrangement, I am splitting the original, which had 3 chapters but was posted as one, into two.

I wrote the original well before Episode 8,8, in which Monica winds up doing a strip for Chandler, was shown. The setting is Series 3, after Monica has recovered from her break-up with Richard, but when Chandler and Janice are still together. So Rachel is still with Ross, and still in her waitress job, while Monica is working at the Moondance Diner.

**Warning**: This is a thoroughly immoral story, in which there is both m/f and f/f sex (not described in great detail), though the former is much more important. It should not be taken too seriously; it was written to have some fun with the characters, so any comment that it is unrealistic is beside the point (there are enough unrealistic elements in the show anyway, let alone in fanfics).

Disclaimer: The Friends characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

I don't think many people realise quite what a super-lover Chandler is, if we are to believe various sources. Not only is there the famous reference in 5,1 to "seven times" during Chandler and Monica's first night, but more relevant here is this, from 3,1 (which also sheds light on Janice's lovemaking capabilities):

**Janice**: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: "Joey and Janice's _DAY OF FUN!_"  
**Joey**: Does it have to be a whole day?  
**Janice**: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.  
**Joey**: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.

Chapter 1: The Setup, and Unexpected Developments

"I'm telling you guys, the man is _phenomenal_!" said Janice with maximum enthusiasm. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe were hanging out with her in the apartment, as a result of a well-meaning decision of Monica's that they ought to get to know her better, since she and Chandler were clearly a real item. They were not on their first margaritas, or their second, and conversation had turned, as it often did on such occasions, to men. Phoebe had asked why Janice was so ready to keep starting again with Chandler, adding "because it's obvious why he keeps starting again with you," without further explanation. Janice had chosen to take this as a compliment, and in her gratification had begun to divulge all kinds of information about Chandler's virtues as a lover.

"The best part is," she continued, "he doesn't have any real idea of how good he is, so he's not arrogantlike Joey. He's so convinced he's a_ loser_. It comes from living with Joey, I guess. And I have to admit, he's not quite so good at stretching it out, if you see what I mean. But I'm working on it. Believe me", she went on, "I have a fair bit of _experience_, and I have never encountered anyone like Chandler. That's why I call him my Bing-a-ling, after the Chuck Berry song, though something from Reelin' and Rockin' would be just as appropriate." She laughed raucously; the others smiled or tittered.

"But he can really make love that many times?" said Monica sceptically.

"And he can really recover that fast?" said Rachel.

"And he can get that big?" said Phoebe.

Janice narrowed her eyes at them and took a hefty swig of her drink. "You don't believe me," she said, not looking very pleased. "Look, I wouldn't _lie_ to you guys. I have nothing at stake here."

"Well, I'm not so sure …" Phoebe began, but Monica overrode her.

"It's not that we don't believe you, Janice," she said. "It's just that it's so hard to reconcile what you're telling us with the Chandler we know and love."

Janice finished off her drink and banged the glass down. "O-_kay_," she said. "Seeing is believing, right? Well, supposing I could arrange for you to see Chandler at his most excited, would that go some way to dispelling your _incredulity_?"

Phoebe giggled wildly. "Oooh! I like that! You mean you'd, like, show him off to us?" The others giggled rather more nervously.

Janice grinned. "The way I see it, maybe we should put on a little _show_ for him. He would get to see some of you; you would get to see all of him."

The friends looked at each other, with more giggling.

"It would be like a strip, right?" said Phoebe.

"Well, I don't envision going _all the way_," said Janice. "But he'd have to see your boobs. I think that might be sufficient to _excite_ him, as the finale of a good strip." She laughed. "Of course, he's seen mine often enough, but I'd be happy to _participate_, to show it was all above board."

"So, you're thinking some kind of synchronised strip," said Phoebe, who seemed much the most interested. "Well, I'm up for it; I've always wondered about Chandler. As Janice says, he's always moaning about what a loser he is, but when he gets a woman he seems to do all right, like with that Aurora. So, what about you two?"

Rachel and Monica looked at each other and giggled nervously again.

"I don't know, Phoebe," said Monica.

"Come on," said Janice enouragingly. "Live a little."

"Yeah," said Rachel. "You're way too inhibited, Mon. What's a little stripping? Didn't you promise to flash Chandler, when you had him doing exercises to get his weight down?"

"Well, I never had to, in the end," said Monica. "So, you're gonna join in, huh?"

"Um, no," said Rachel, looking uncomfortable. "For one thing, Chandler's already seen my boobs, and more important, if Ross got to hear of it he'd go crazy."

"So, you're chicken!" cried Phoebe. "Monica Lilian Geller, you back me up on this and prove you have more guts than Rachel!"

"All right," said Monica hastily, as if trying to pre-empt her better judgement. "I'll do it!"

"Way to go!" cried Janice. "You _sure_ you're gonna sit this out, Rachel?" Her voice was slightly mocking.

Rachel looked stubborn. "Yes," she said, more firmly than before. "I have a good thing going with Ross and I'm _not_ gonna risk spoiling it."

"Okay," said Janice, unabashed. "Tomorrow's Saturday, so why don't we set it up for tomorrow night, when Joey will likely be out of the way? Could you give us a meal, Monica?"

"My pleasure," said Monica.

"Now we need to discuss our _routine_," said Janice. Fuelled by further margaritas, the discussion of what they would wear and do grew animated. Even Rachel contributed her share, but she steadfastly refused to participate, even under considerable pressure from Phoebe and Monica. Finally Janice left, saying she had to pick up her kid.

"I wonder what's in it for her," said Rachel thoughtfully.

"Maybe she just wants a rest," said Phoebe, giggling. Rachel looked unconvinced.

--

Throughout Saturday, Monica worried about what she had gotten herself into. When the evening finally came, she was so nervous that she nearly burnt the casserole she was cooking. Phoebe seemed perfectly at ease when she arrived, but when Janice arrived with Chandler he looked as nervous as Monica felt. However, Phoebe and Janice kept the evening going with a flow of chatter, and Monica found that some wine helped her relax. In fact, all of them drank a fair amount.

When dessert was finished, Janice took charge firmly. "Bing-a-ling," she said, "you go next door and get ready. We'll be with you shortly." When he had gone, she explained, "He'll be on one of their loungers, _undressed_. Joey's not expected back tonight, so we won't be disturbed. Now we must practise our moves."

As they practised the routine, Monica got more and more nervous, and resorted to the wine again. Could she really strip in front of Chandler? But Phoebe would never let her live it down if she backed out now. Frantically she tried to concentrate on the moves. By the time Janice was satisfied that they all had a good idea of what they were supposed to do, Monica felt that she had had quite enough wine.

Janice led them in, followed by Phoebe, and Monica last. Chandler was lying on the lounger, apparently nude, but he had his knees up and his legs close together. Janice started some appropriate music on the tape-player, then clapped her hands and cried, "Begin!"

They started a slow twirling dance, with poses designed to show off their female attributes to the best advantage. Monica found the rhythm, after initial mistakes, and began to feel slightly exhilarated.

"Shoes!" yelled Janice, and they unfastened and kicked them off. Then they removed their stockings as sensuously as possible. Next came shirts, unbuttoned and thrown aside, then skirts, which they moved down their hips as slowly as they could. By now Chandler was sitting up, looking much more interested, so much so that he had forgotten to cover himself and his excitement was evident.

Monica was convinced that he was looking particularly at her; it made her feel warm all over. Stripping for him alone did not seem nearly as unnerving as stripping in a room full of men would have been. In fact, she found it exciting, even strangely liberating, and now felt completely composed and ready for anything.

When they were down to bras and panties, Janice led them in a series of provocative poses, which they finished with their backs to him. As the tune entered its last chorus, Janice called "Hands to bras!" and each reached for the fastener – "and _now_!" They unfastened and turned, striking a pose with their arms wide, as the tune ended.

Chandler started, clutched at himself and did something that made him wince, then relaxed and began clapping furiously. Now seeming quite unfazed by the fact that they could see him naked, he cried, "Step right up, ladies, and get a full view of the Chan-Chan man!" and lay back in smiling self-satisfaction as they came up to the lounger.

"_Oooh_!" said Phoebe. "Janice, you were right: that's the biggest I've seen, I think." She licked her lips. "I wouldn't mind a piece of that."

Janice looked at her, then laughed wildly. "Go on, then," she said, giving her a little push. "I'm not stopping you."

"Oh, oh, _really_?" said Phoebe, sounding suddenly panicky. "But he's, like, your boyfriend …"

She stopped as Janice began doing a rather good chicken imitation.

Chandler sat up and grabbed Phoebe's wrist. "I claim my prize," he said in a portentous tone.

Phoebe laughed nervously, then cried, "All _right_!" and more or less ran with him into the bedroom. Shortly, giggles of a very different kind were heard.

Monica sat down on the lounger, feeling a distinct sense of let-down. She had not expected things to take this turn, but all of a sudden she felt very resentful of Phoebe's forwardness. She realised that she would have wanted Chandler to choose her, if anyone.

In a moment, Janice sat down beside her. "Well, I didn't foresee _that_," she said. "But never mind. There's enough of Chandler to go round." She cackled briefly, then looked at Monica closely. "You okay, Monica? You seem down."

Monica turned to her, noticing that she really had a fine body, which, ironically in the circumstances, made her feel even more turned on. "I was nervous as hell at first," she said, "but not now; instead, I'm all worked up."

Janice put an arm round her shoulder in a companionable way, which nevertheless brought her very close to Monica. "There are ways to relax."

"I think I've had quite enough wine already," said Monica.

Janice moved closer and brought her arm down so that she cupped Monica's right breast, then rubbed her palm gently across the nipple. "I was thinking of … something else."

Monica would never have expected it, but she found Janice's touch extremely arousing. If they had both been sober, Janice would probably not have made a move, and if she had Monica would have rejected it violently. As it was, she made no effort to push her away.

"Mmm," said Janice, noticing how Monica's nipple had stiffened. "You're not saying no."

"You really want me?" said Monica uncertainly, turning to look at her.

"I can never decide which one of you I like most," Janice said softly. "Right now, I think it's you." She began to run both her hands over and around Monica's breasts gently, looking at her steadily, her expression a mixture of pleading and desire.

"What about Chandler?" said Monica, feeling steadily more excited. Her heart was suddenly beating wildly, and her mouth seemed very dry. Was she really going to do this?

"_He_'s doing all right," said Janice, "and so's Phoebe. Why shouldn't we have some fun?"

Monica made a decision. The wine she had drunk was making her feel reckless, and she was further incited by feelings of sexual frustration since breaking up with Richard, and by Rachel's comment about her inhibitedness, which still rankled.

"All right, Janice," she said softly. "Just this once, because I'm feeling the way I am. But won't we have to be quick?"

Janice's expression was one of incredulous joy. "Don't worry about that," she said. "Maybe Chandler will just to have to _wait_. Oh Monica, you won't regret it!"

She pulled her into a passionate kiss. Things seemed to move fast after that. Janice clearly knew very well what she was doing, and Monica found herself responding gladly to her caresses. She happily allowed her panties to be removed and herself to be fingered. Then Janice proceeded to do things with her mouth and tongue which sent Monica absolutely wild.

Afterwards she hugged and kissed Janice enthusiastically, feeling gloriously liberated by the thought that she had, of her own free will, done something that she very much doubted Rachel had ever done; she was not so sure about Phoebe.

"Oh Janice, I feel so much better," she said. Then a sudden thought struck her. "Did you and Chandler plan this?"

Janice looked at her slightly warily. "Not precisely. I had hopes – but I didn't tell him. He knows I like women as well as men; it turns him on – not that he needs much _encouragement_." She cackled briefly. "But he didn't know I was planning anything, I swear. He might guess, of course."

Monica giggled and hugged Janice again. "I don't care; I just don't care. Ooh, I get a kick out of saying that! Janice, you don't know what you've done for me. Now, I ought to do something for you."

But just then Phoebe came back into the living room. She was twirling her panties around one finger and looked very pleased with herself. When she saw them, she grinned broadly. "So, you're branching out, hey Mon?" she said. "Well, you ought to get some of _that_." She jerked her head in the direction of the bedroom. "I can thoroughly recommend it."

Monica gasped and felt herself tingle all over at the very thought of having sex with Chandler. She looked at Janice, wondering what she thought about this.

Janice was looking at her with a sly grin. "Go on!" she said, slapping her on the shoulder. "Be my guest! It's only fair, after all – and it'll give him a nice _surprise_!" She cackled again.

Monica gave her a quick kiss on the lips and jumped off the couch.

"Aren't you even gonna put your panties on?" said Phoebe in some surprise.

"Who needs them?" cried Monica gleefully, and shouting, "Chandler, here I come!" she positively ran into the bedroom.

"Wow!" said Phoebe, watching her with an indulgent smile. But she was frowning slightly as she turned to Janice. "Did you set this up to get to her?"

"Be reasonable, Phoebe," said Janice. "I couldn't possibly have predicted that she would _loosen up_ like this. To be honest, I think it's partly the wine she drank."

"Well, okay," said Phoebe. She looked more closely at Janice. "You didn't get yours, did you?"

Janice shook her head, a rueful expression on her face. "I might have done, but you interrupted us."

"I could make that up to you," said Phoebe, with a glint in her eye. "I've been in prison, you know, so I've, like, been here before, and I have to say, Janice, you're looking very attractive tonight."

Janice giggled. "You say the _nicest_ things. Come here, you gorgeous girl."

Tossing her panties aside, Phoebe lay down beside her. "This is turning into quite a night. You're a wicked woman, Janice – but right now I like it."

--

Chandler looked very taken aback when Monica came bounding in totally naked. "Monica!" he said. "What's gotten into you?"

"You talk too much," she said, with her most brilliant smile, as she lay down beside him, then threw her arms around him, kissed him soundly and began rubbing her body against his.

His hands went to her breasts. "Boy, you _are_ worked up!" he said. "I'm … flattered."

The tone of his voice made her pull back to look at him. There was more than simple desire in his eyes. Continuing to move his hands all over her body, he said, "Monica, I've had a crush on you for the longest time."

Monica almost felt dizzy. Had Chandler wanted her all along, as she was now beginning to feel that she had wanted him? "But Janice … is your girlfriend," she said, between gasps of pleasure at his caresses.

"Let's forget Janice for the moment," he said. "This is about us." He leaned down to kiss her again.

She met him halfway. Something that had been latent between them seemed to have been released. They embraced and kissed with matching passion.

Suddenly Chandler groaned. "What are you doing to me?" He pulled back and reached hastily for a condom. "I don't think I can hold on much longer."

"You don't have to," she said, stroking him as she helped him put on the condom. "I feel ready."

"You better be," he said as he pulled her to him again.

Once they had, with a little initial awkwardness, got him inside her, she began bucking at him as frantically as he was pushing into her. They seemed to reach a climax very quickly, crying out each other's names. Then they came down slowly, kissing gently. Monica felt an enormous sense of satisfaction.

"Wow!" said Chandler. "That was … amazing. I'm still interested to know where it came from."

"Janice has set me free," said Monica exultantly, "at least for tonight. Maybe I'll be the Monica you all think is inhibited and uptight tomorrow, but tonight – tonight I am _Monana!_"

"Janice," said Chandler, with a slight edge to his voice. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. She can be … very seductive."

"You shouldn't mind, if I don't," said Monica, but she recognised that this was potentially dangerous ground and decided to divert his attention. "Was I better than Phoebe?" she asked teasingly.

"Phoebe was … fine," said Chandler. "In fact, she's lovely, but … there was something missing, something I found with you." He rolled over and looked at the ceiling, his expression sombre. "There are times when I wonder if it's missing with Janice too, now." He sighed. "We shouldn't have done this."

"It was Janice's idea," said Monica. "It started from her talking you up."

"Well, it's backfired on her," said Chandler, bitterness clear in his voice. "Now my feelings for you have been brought to the surface … Oh God, what am I going to do?" He put his hands over his eyes.

Monica pressed herself against him and kissed his cheek. "Who said not to think of Janice, this was about us?" She reached down and fondled his genitals. "Seems like part of you is inclined to agree."

"Vile temptress, once again you have your wicked way with me," said Chandler, trying for a light tone. "Let's see if we can make this one last."

--

"Aren't they taking rather long in there?" said Phoebe.

Janice snickered. "That's my Chandler: each time _longer_ than the one before. By the time he gets to me, he'll be in top form."

"Was _that_ why you set this up, then?" asked Phoebe.

"Um, no," said Janice. "To be honest, I hoped to get whoever of you I could. You're all so goddamn _cute_, I could eat you up."

Phoebe giggled. "Well, at least you didn't lie. I know perfectly well why you set this up – takes one to know one. Mind, I don't blame you: Monica is one beautiful piece of ass. You've made a good start, but I doubt you'll get Rachel. She's _really_ gone on Ross."

"That's okay," said Janice. "I don't want to horn in on any _real_ love affairs. Say, they are taking rather a long time, aren't they?"

"Perhaps I should tell you, I _think_ Chandler has a crush on Monica," said Phoebe.

"No!" cried Janice, sitting up straight in apparent alarm and putting her hand to her heart dramatically.

"I have kind of gotten that impression," said Phoebe. "And I'd say it was confirmed by his behaviour tonight," she added slightly maliciously.

Janice jumped off the lounger and ran to the bedroom. "Monica, time's up!" she yelled. "Get your ass out here! It's time _I_ got to play with my Bing-a-ling."

Inside the bedroom, Chandler sighed. "Thanks for a lovely experience," he said to Monica.

"I'm not letting it stop here," said Monica firmly. "I'll be in touch." She gave him a last kiss, got up and sauntered to the door, from which she blew him a kiss. Then she walked out, to be confronted by a rather agitated Janice.

"You took a darned long time!" she burst out.

Monica looked at her coolly, undaunted by her somewhat greater height and heft. "He's yours for as long as you want after this," she said, "and you've had me as well. I don't think you've got anything to complain about, Janice." She walked past her and into the living room, where Phoebe looked at her with an expression of lively interest, coupled with an appreciative inspection of Monica's body.

"So, you really hit it off with Chandler?" she said.

Monica's air of composure slipped somewhat. She sat down on the lounger, looking at the floor. "Oh God, Phoebe, I think I'm falling for him," she said. "Now what are we going to do?"

"Well, I'll tell you what we are, like, _not_ gonna do," said Phoebe, sitting beside her and putting an arm around her, "and that's mope about it. Let's go and see if there's any more of that wine."

--

Rachel returned unexpectedly early that night, to find Phoebe and Monica sitting at the table, Phoebe partly dressed but rather disshevelled, Monica in her bathrobe. They were finishing off a bottle of wine and seemed in high spirits, especially Monica.

"Well, if it isn't my shweet roomie!" she said, and jumped up to embrace her enthusiastically.

"Are you drunk?" said Rachel coldly, pulling her face back.

"Nooo," said Monica owlishly, then, "Well, maybe a li'l. But I've gotta right to be. I'm shele … cel'brating."

Phoebe snickered.

"Celebrating what?" said Rachel. "Phoebe, what's gotten into her?"

"Quite a lot, one way and another," said Phoebe.

She kept her face straight, but Monica bent double, howling with laughter. Straightening up, she pointed a finger at Rachel and said, "_I'll _tell you what I'm shel'brating – the loss of my inbit … inerbish … my hangupsh." She did some steps from their routine. "I've done a shtriptease – an' I've made love with" – she ticked them off on her fingers – "Janish _and _Chan'ler – hoo boy! I am _shuper-Monana!_" She twirled with her hands in the air, collapsed backwards onto the couch, and beamed up at Rachel, whose face expressed amazement and alarm in equal measure.

"Phoebe, is this true?" she said sternly.

"Yes," said Phoebe, "and you had a damn good time, didn't you, Monica?"

"You betcha," cried Monica. "Wheeee!" She lay on her back and pedalled her legs in the air, making it quite clear that she was wearing nothing underneath the robe.

"Monica, for heaven's sake!" snapped Rachel. "Must you show off everything you've got? It's disgusting."

"Ho ho, who's inerbitted now?" said Monica derisively. "Li'l mish prude! I bet _you_ haven' made love with a man an' a woman inna shame evening!"

Rachel looked despairingly at Phoebe, who was giving every sign of enjoying Monica's performance. "Isn't she great when she's drunk?" she said. "Anyway, why are you home so early?"

"Ross had a paper to write; he said it was really urgent," said Rachel rather peevishly. "He couldn't keep his mind on anything else, so I left him to it."

"Sho _you're _the one, feeling frush'rated," said Monica. "_We're _all shatishfied, aren't we, Pheebsh?" She leered at Phoebe, who giggled.

"Monica, you're behaving really badly," said Rachel censoriously. "I'm surprised at you."

Monica appeared to think about this. "I'd be shurprised at me, if I was shober," she said reflectively. "But y'know what? Being drunk makesh me not care about thingsh 'at I _would _care about, if I was shober." She nodded as if in appreciation of what she had said.

"Such as? You seem to be having a great time," said Rachel sarcastically.

Monica's face grew doleful. "Well, here'sa shituation. Chan'ler an' me, we have _feelingsh_ for eash other. We jush' foun' out. But _Janish_ is his girlfrien'." She began to sniffle. "An' now my besh' frien' is all mad at me, an' " – the expression on her face changed to alarm – "I think I'm gonna throw up." She rushed for the bathroom.

Rachel stood frozen for a moment, then turned to Phoebe. "That's true too? Her and Chandler?"

"Absolutely true," said Phoebe in a serious tone. "I tried to get her mind off of it, but you had to bring it up."

"I didn't _know_ I was bringing it up!" Rachel cried. "Oh my God, she needs support!" She hurried to the bathroom, from which wails and ghastly noises were coming. A few minutes later she reappeared, leading a subdued-looking Monica to the couch.

"Of course I love you," she was saying, "and I will help you any way I can with Chandler, though I'm not easy about this whole deal."

Monica's brow furrowed. "Wha' d'you mean?" she said, evidently far from sober still, though she sounded better.

"It seems pretty clear to me that Janice set this up to get to at least one of us – " said Rachel.

"Right," interpolated Phoebe, "she told me so."

Rachel looked at her quellingly. "Are you gonna tell me that Chandler wasn't in on it with the same motivation, to lay as many of his friends as he could?"

Monica shook her head. "It didn' feel like that," she said stubbornly. "It wasn' like that. He was … all upset over bringing his feelings for me to the surface, when Janice was his girlfrien'. He _said_ so."

"But she's with him now," said Rachel, "and likely to be for the rest of the night."

"Don' remind me!" said Monica violently. "Why d'you think I been drinking?"

"I'm sorry, hon," said Rachel, hugging her, "but you have to face facts."

"Don' wanna," said Monica mulishly. "Chan'ler an' me are meanta be together."

Rachel sighed. "I think you'd better go to bed, and we'll all see how we feel about this in the morning, Chandler included. I expect he'll be in to breakfast – maybe Janice too. At least it's Sunday and you don't have to work – and I'm not on the early shift at Central Perk."

Monica nodded several times, then staggered to her feet. "Oopsh. Think I'm gonna need help."

Rachel sighed again. "Get her some water, Pheebs. I'll start getting her ready for bed."

"Ooh, seckshy!" said Monica merrily, her mood swinging again. She hugged Rachel rather too affectionately.

"None of that," said Rachel sternly, pushing her away. "Save it for Janice. Come along now." She started walking Monica to the bedroom.

Monica grinned at her. "That really got unna your skin, didn' it?"

Rachel flushed. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I think you're gonna regret all of this tomorrow, and not just because you'll have a hangover."

Monica shook her head violently, then groaned and put her hand to her brow. "No. No way. Whatever happens, I am so _not_ gonna regret this, an' I'm _not_ gonna go back to being the exact same Monica I was. You better believe it." She collapsed onto her bed. "You an' Janice between you have set me free from that Monica, even if you didn' inten' to."

Phoebe brought in a jug of water, a glass and a bowl. "She's right, you know, Rachel," she said. "She'll never forget how much she enjoyed what she did. Whatever else you might say about Janice's part in this, she's a very good lover."

"You too?" said Rachel, raising her eyebrows.

"I'll give you the details later," said Phoebe. "Let's get Monica tucked up."

Between them they got Monica out of her robe and into a nighty, while she giggled and tried to stroke them, ignoring Rachel's demands that she behave. Phoebe put the bowl on the floor near her head. "Can't be sure she's finished," she said to Rachel. "Now, Mon, you make use of that if you have to, you hear? You don't wanna make a mess on your nice bedroom carpet, do you?"

"Ooh no," said Monica. "Can' have messes." She rolled over and her eyes closed. After watching her for a few moments, they turned out the light and left.

"That sounded more like the old Monica," Rachel commented as they sat down again.

"Rachel, you shouldn't want her to go all the way back," said Phoebe, quite severely for her. "You should recognise that this has been, y'know, liberating for her, even if you don't approve of some of what she did. But I think you should be more broad-minded. Where's the harm in it if Janice did make love with her, or me? It's just fun sex."

"Well, I don't trust that woman," said Rachel defensively. "And I don't want Monica getting ideas about _me_. I love you both, but I've never felt about either of you like that."

"What, _never_?" said Phoebe, looking at her keenly. "Be honest, now."

Rachel fidgeted and looked away. "Well – maybe I've come close once or twice. But I don't want you making advances to me," she said fiercely.

"Why would I do that?" said Phoebe, her tone as fierce as Rachel's. "You're in love with Ross. Why straights assume gays or bi's are, like, gonna want to jump their bones at a moment's notice is more than I know."

"Sorry, Pheebs," said Rachel contritely. "It's all been a bit of a shock, and I haven't had much time to adjust. So what do _you_ think about this Chandler thing?"

Phoebe thought for a moment. "From what she said when she came out of his bedroom, it sounded like he was genuine about his feelings. I always thought he had a crush on her. I think that's why he went along with this, for a chance to see her." She grinned. "He got more than he bargained for: she was _wild_."

Rachel considered. "Yeah, I think you're right about the crush. Well, we'll have to see how things look in the morning."


	2. Further Developments, and Endgame

Chapter 2: Further Developments and Endgame

Chapter 2: Further Developments, and Endgame

Feeling more worried about Monica than she had suggested, Phoebe decided to stay the night on the couch. When Rachel emerged from her bedroom on Sunday morning, she found her getting breakfast things out.

"Well, you don't look much the worse for wear," said Rachel.

"I didn't drink as much as Monica," said Phoebe. "Have you checked on her?"

"She's still asleep; she didn't look too bad. So, you gonna fill me in on what happened last night?"

As they made coffee and poured cereal, Phoebe proceeded to do that. Rachel's eyes widened at her revelations, but before she could comment, Janice and Chandler entered. Janice, looking very pleased with herself, bid them a loud and cheerful good morning. Chandler, on the other hand, wore a hangdog expression and had trouble looking Phoebe in the eye.

"You missed out on one wild evening, Rachel," said Janice. "Got a bit wilder than I planned, in fact."

"Is that right?" said Rachel. "Monica forced herself on you against your will?"

"Ooh, Rachel's getting _smart_!" said Janice, and laughed raucously.

A rather wan-looking Monica, wrapped in her bathrobe, appeared at the doorway leading to the bedrooms. "Janice dear, do you have to laugh quite so loud?" she said in a long-suffering way.

"Oh, sorry, sweetie," said Janice, not sounding sorry at all. "Did I disturb your beauty sleep?"

She began to laugh again, but stopped when Phoebe, Chandler and Rachel all glared at her, muttering "Oops."

"How're you feeling, Mon?" said Rachel solicitously.

"Could be better," said Monica, moving cautiously. "Coffee should help."

She appeared to be moving randomly, but wound up sitting on Chandler's other side. "Hello, handsome," she said, smiling at him. "I haven't forgotten last night."

He smiled back at her weakly.

"Well, my advice to you is to _start_ forgetting it," said Janice, sounding rather mad. "Maybe you've forgotten something else, which is that Chandler is my _boyfriend_."

Monica stared at her as if in disbelief; then her face started to crumple. "Oh, Janice," she said, blinking rapidly. "I never expected to hear you speak like that to me, after last night. Did it mean nothing to you? Were you just using me?"

She pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and buried her face in it. Rachel and Phoebe exchanged startled glances and immediately moved to put their arms round her shoulders for comfort. They looked severely at Janice, to see something they had never expected to see, Janice looking totally at a loss.

Monica's eyes emerged from the handkerchief. "Well?" she said, glaring at Janice, "aren't you gonna say anything at all? Perhaps you liked Phoebe better than me, is that it? She has experience, she was a better lay!" She was sounding almost hysterical at this point, and began to sob wildly as she hid her face again.

"Monica!" gasped Rachel, sounding really shocked, while Phoebe moved away from them with an offended expression.

Janice jumped up. "Monica, get a _hold_ of yourself," she said, "and stop trying to build up last night into more than it was!"

Monica wailed, but Janice ignored her, and turned to Chandler. "See me to the door, sweetie."

She stomped off, and Chandler, who had appeared to be in shock since Monica's first outburst, got up and followed her. What Janice said to him by the door could not be heard, but seemed rather fierce. After he had kissed her goodbye, Chandler looked at his three friends, his face a study in discomfort.

"I …" he began, then stopped.

Monica looked up, still holding her handkerchief to cover most of her face. "Yes, Chandler?" she said in a neutral tone.

He swallowed, then appeared to screw his courage up. "I apologise for Janice's behaviour," he said, then, after a pause, "and mine hasn't been much better."

"Well," said Monica, slightly more warmly, "maybe you want to go think about what you're gonna do now, with Janice tangled up with more than one of us. Just don't ask Ross for advice; he must _not_ know about all this."

Chandler shuddered. "If Ross knew about this, he'd _kill_ me." Slowly he left the room.

Once the door had shut, Monica lowered her handkerchief fully. Her eyes were bright and tearless as she looked from Rachel to Phoebe, grinning. "Looks like I fooled you both, as well as them," she said.

"You mean … that was, like, an _act_?" said Phoebe. Monica nodded and giggled.

"You might have warned us," said Phoebe reproachfully.

"It wouldn't have worked so well," said Monica. "I'm sorry I had to bring you into it, Pheebs, but it seemed the way to go. Did you see how uneasy it made her?"

"I did," said Rachel rather gleefully. "Oh Mon, I'm so glad you're not _really_ in love with her."

Monica sniggered. "If I was going to have an affair with a woman, it certainly wouldn't be her." She eyed Rachel speculatively, then cracked up as Rachel flushed and looked away. "Relax, sweetie, I'm kidding you. It's Chandler I want. What I'm trying to do is get him to see Janice as she really is, and start him thinking about whether he can go on with her."

"_Brilliant_," said Phoebe with conviction. "Do you want my help? I could act like I was putting the moves on her, or trying to cut you out with her. That would be so cool."

Monica nodded. "That would be very helpful, Phoebe."

They sat in harmonious silence for a while. Finally Rachel said, frowning a little, "Well, I wonder what's keeping Ross. He's usually here by now."

"Perhaps he worked so late, he's sleeping late," Monica suggested.

Rachel's brow cleared. "Of course! Think I'll go round to his apartment and give him a wakeup call he won't forget." She grinned at them and got up, then bent down to kiss Monica on the cheek. "I hope your plan works. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

--

Chandler sat in his apartment and moped. For once he really missed Joey's cheerful insouciance, his almost complete inability to be serious for more than ten minutes together. He badly needed to have his mind taken off things. Who knows, Joey might even be able to offer some advice, or at least help him to work out who Monica was in love with, him or Janice – or neither of them.

When Janice had first brought up the idea, suggesting that a little variety might spice up their love life, which, she said, had been getting into a rut, it had seemed harmless enough. But clearly Phoebe and Monica had not been expecting to do more than a strip; Janice had been a little deceitful there. At least it had not produced any embarrassment at the time. Indeed, Monica had seemed positively eager, although this could be partly attributed to the wine she had drunk. He sighed. He had certainly not expected that making love to her would be so exciting, or seem so right.

Then Janice told him that he must forget it all, that it had been a mistake. How could he erase from his mind the vivid picture of Monica rushing into his bedroom, her eyes ablaze with excitement, somehow completely innocent in her desire? How could he forget the tender look in her eyes after they had made love first? The intensity of feeling that had developed between them so quickly was almost frightening at the time. It seemed a relief to return to the familiarity of a loving Janice. But now he realised that he wanted that intensity. Also, Janice's behaviour was worrying him more and more.

"You keep away from that _slut_," she had said. "It's all over between us if you lay another _finger_ on her." She did not seem to consider that it was largely her own actions, especially seducing Monica, that had brought the whole situation about. It was amazing that Monica might actually have feelings for her, though he could understand it in a way. If he could love Janice, why couldn't Monica? It had surely been her first time with a woman, which might well have a profound effect if the woman was as skilled at lovemaking as Janice was.

Joey's return interrupted his thoughts. He came in grinning, to stop short as Chandler looked up at him.

"What's up, man?" he said. "You look like hell."

"I _feel_ like hell," said Chandler. "I'm in a real mess, Joe."

Joey sat down on the other lounger, looking serious. "Then tell me about it. Maybe I can help."

Slowly at first, Chandler told him everything, as far as he knew it. After early comments of a ribald kind, Joey became quiet as the story unfolded; by the end, he was looking at Chandler with considerable respect.

"You mean, you made love to Phoebe, Monica _and_ Janice all in the same evening?" he said. "Way to go, man! I'm _impressed_. I never thought – "

"Can't you see how serious this is, Joe?" Chandler interrupted angrily. "Okay, with Phoebe it was just fun, though we can't act quite the same around each other – but with Monica …" He put his head in his hands. "I think, no, I know I'm getting real feelings for her, but she seems to have feelings for Janice, who certainly doesn't want her."

Joey moved to sit beside him, and put an arm round his shoulders. "No way Monica could prefer Janice to you," he said. "But you have gotta decide who you want most. I say, don't hide away. Go to Monica's apartment, and Central Perk. Be nice to her, but not especially so. Just watch how they both behave – to you, to each other, to us." He breathed out. "Man, I never talked so much! Why don't we go see who's in Central Perk now? I haven't had anything to eat since last night."

"Thanks, Joe, that's pretty good advice," said Chandler. "You're a pal."

"Well," said Joey. "I'm hoping for some pay-off. You gonna give me any details?"

Chandler sighed. "Back to normal," he said resignedly. "I don't think I should do that, but I will buy you whatever you want to eat in Central Perk."

--

When Chandler and Joey entered Central Perk, only Monica and Phoebe were there, sitting on the couch. Joey greeted them cheerfully and they responded the same way; Chandler could only manage a weak "Hi", which went apparently unnoticed.

He took the chair closest to Monica, and tried to smile at her; her look back at him was hard to interpret. While Joey was ordering lavishly, he leaned over and said, "I've told Joey. I thought you ought to know."

"Everything?" said Monica coolly, raising her eyebrows.

"Everything that happened where I could see it," he said, "but I didn't go into detail."

She gave a small smile. "Well, okay."

There was a pause which seemed awkward to Chandler, though Monica looked relaxed. Presently she asked, "When do you expect to see Janice next? Is she coming here?"

Chandler thought about it. "She didn't actually say." He swallowed. "Look, Monica – and Phoebe too – I just want to say …" – he almost dried as both of them looked at him gravely – "I feel bad about last night. I mean, it's not that you weren't both great, but … I feel I took advantage of you. I'm hoping it won't stop us being friends."

Monica smiled more warmly. "You didn't take advantage of me, Chandler: I took advantage of you. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah," said Phoebe, "and I, like, knew what I was doing. I could have said no." She grinned wickedly. "And I wouldn't mind doing it again. So you don't know when the lovely Janice is getting here? That's something else I'd like to repeat." She licked her lips.

Monica's expression changed. "Don't rub it in, Pheebs," she said. "From my point of view, this is serious."

"Sorry," said Phoebe, hugging her.

All this time Joey had been paying strict attention to his food; now he looked up. "Is Janice that good?" he asked.

"Joey!" said Monica angrily.

He shrugged. "Well, I gotta say, I'm surprised that you two went with her, when you used to find her as hard to take as I did."

"Well, now we've gotten to know her better, she's not so bad," said Phoebe. "In fact – "

"Phoebe!" said Monica threateningly. Phoebe clapped her hand over her mouth in pretended fear, but her eyes glinted in fun over it.

"Let's talk about something else," said Chandler rather desperately.

"You guys never explain anything," Joey grumbled.

"What's to explain?" said Phoebe airily. "We had some great sex. We don't expect you to explain youraffairs."

"That's different," said Joey. "I'm a guy. Guys behave differently than girls."

"That's what you like to think," said Monica fiercely.

"Just leave it, Joe," said Chandler. "They'll tell you when they're good and ready, if they think there's anything you need to know."

Joey returned to his food, looking discontented.

Chandler looked at Monica and Phoebe, who again looked back seriously. Rather hesitantly he voiced one question that had been in the forefront of his mind. "So, um, what did you do after Monica left me?"

"We had some more wine," said Phoebe.

"I got drunk, if you want the honest truth," said Monica.

Chandler nodded. "That's why you looked so bad at breakfast."

"Yup," said Monica shortly. Then she seemed to make a decision. "Do you wanna know why I got drunk, Chandler?"

Phoebe looked at her in surprise. "You're gonna tell him already?"

"Yes," said Monica, "I think it's best."

"It's to do with me, obviously," said Chandler apprehensively.

"Nothing bad," said Monica. "At least, I don't think so. Only that I'm getting feelings for you." She smiled.

"But … that scene with Janice …" Chandler protested.

"That was all a front," said Monica. "Partly to pay her out for taking advantage of me. But don't tell her, or I'll kill you before Ross can."

"You should think a bit about the way Janice has behaved with us," said Phoebe. "I mean, okay, she's very attractive and a great lover, but, like, how nice is she as a person? If she cared about you so much, would she have gone with us?"

Chandler was looking very uncomfortable. "Well … I did."

"But you're our _friend_," said Phoebe, "and you've been around us a long time, plus you're a guy. You're bound to be tempted."

"Yeah!" said Joey, seeming to imply that they should do something about the temptation they created for him. But Monica and Phoebe both ignored him.

"We certainly added to the temptation," said Monica, "and if anything showed Janice in her true colours, it was that. I don't know what she said to you, but she was clearly after us."

Chandler had gone red. "She said, it might spice up our love life."

"And did it?" Monica pursued.

Chandler looked down and mumbled, "Yes."

"Poor Chandler," said Phoebe. "You do let women manipulate you, y'know. But you'd be better off being manipulated by Monica; she's a nicer person."

Chandler looked up at Monica, who was smiling at him gently.

"You have a point," said Chandler, trying to sound lighthearted, but the look in his eyes told a different story. To Monica it seemed like misery, and it wrung her heart.

"What's up, Chandler?" she said sympathetically. "You look so unhappy."

He looked around uneasily. "I can't talk about it here. Can we go back to your apartment?"

Monica looked at Phoebe, who nodded. "Sure," she said. "Just let us finish our coffees." She gulped hers down.

"Hey, I'm still eating," said Joey through a mouthful of cinnamon toast.

"That's okay, Joe," said Chandler. "You've already given me some advice that, believe it or not, was good. Here" – he passed him a twenty – "this should cover everything. Have some more if there's any over."

"But I wanna be in on this!" Joey protested. "You and Monica – that's _huge_, man."

"It's true, he ought to be in on this," said Phoebe. "Get a doggie bag from Gunther for what you haven't eaten, Joey."

Shortly they were all sitting in the apartment, looking at Chandler expectantly. He looked nervously back at them.

"This is gonna be hard to say," he began, "but it has to be faced. Monica, I've had this crush on you for so long. Last night" – he swallowed – "last night I had a dream come true. But … but Janice is my girlfriend. I owe a lot to her, and she has made me happy." He spread his hands. "I can't just dump her, like Ross did Julie. That would make me feel very bad. What do you think I should do?"

Monica bit her lip to keep from bursting out crying. "If that's how you feel, Chandler," she said, making a great effort to keep her voice from trembling, "we should try to forget last night. I don't want you to feel bad because of me."

He looked at her intently. It was very hard to hold his gaze and keep the tears at bay, but she managed it, just.

"You really mean that?" he said.

"Yes," she stammered, then more confidently, "yes, I do. You're my friend, and I don't want you to feel bad."

He suddenly smiled in a way that made her heart turn over. "That does it," he said. "You know what Janice said to me? If I touched you again, it was all over between us. She was completely ignoring the fact that she set the whole thing up," – his voice began to sound angry – "that she seduced you, and that she positively encouraged you to go to me. I'm just supposed to forget all that! Well, I'm not going to." He held out a hand. "Phoebe was right. You have generous instincts; Janice does not. I am sorry to have put you through that just now, but it seemed a way to find out which of you was the nicer person."

"You mean – " said Monica, hardly daring to believe what she thought he was saying.

His smile deepened. "Yes. I choose you, if you'll have me."

"Oh Chandler!" She almost threw herself at him, hugged him so hard that he gasped, and kissed him extremely fervently.

"Hey hey hey!" said Joey. "There are other people here, you know."

"Oh hush! I think it's cute," said Phoebe. "So, guys, what are we gonna do about Janice?"

Monica very reluctantly pulled her mouth away from Chandler's and moved around to sit next to him on the couch. "I have no ideas, beyond going on pretending I have feelings for her," she said.

"Let's build on that," said Phoebe, "like we thought of doing …"

--

It was not until Monday after work that Janice arranged to meet Chandler at Central Perk again. She looked slightly surprised to see only Chandler, Joey and Rachel there.

"Where are the others?" she asked, as she kissed Chandler on the cheek and sat down next to him.

"Oh, Ross is working late," said Rachel, who had been brought in on the plot, "and as for Monica and Phoebe – well, they won't both be here, will they?"

Janice's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Rachel looked surprised. "Why, they're fighting over you, of course."

"Over _me_?" Janice almost shrieked.

"Yeah, like either of them had any claim that outweighed mine," said Chandler bitterly. "I tell you, it makes me mad." He put an arm around Janice. "How could you possibly prefer one of them to me?"

Janice looked extremely uneasy. "But I _told_ Monica …" she began, only to stop when Monica came into Central Perk.

"_There_ you are, darling," she said to Janice. She went over, took a hand, and kissed it. "I know what you said, but I just can't forget you, and I can't believe you don't have feelings for me, not after that night." She clasped Janice's hand to her bosom and looked at her fondly. "Why try to keep it going with Chandler, when you can have me?"

"Now see here, Monica," Chandler began angrily, but before he could get any further, Phoebe burst in.

"This is just what I suspected," she cried, pointing at Monica. "You're sneaking around behind my back, trying to get Janice away from me!"

She came over and grabbed Janice's hand away from Monica, to hold it close to her own bosom and stroke it. "We're meant to be together, Janice. You know it in your heart of hearts. You just don't _know_ you know it yet. You can't prefer this neat freak to me."

Janice looked from one to the other with her mouth open, wearing the dazed expression of an animal caught in a car's headlights.

"Better a neat freak than an aura freak!" said Monica fiercely.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" Chandler almost shouted. "Janice is _my_ girlfriend, and a very loving one. She's not gonna be interested in a love affair with either of you."

They looked at him contemptuously.

"You go on telling yourself that, Mr. Can't-Commit," said Monica.

"Yeah, Mr. Insecurity," said Phoebe. "Why would anyone want you when they could have the love of a confident, mature woman?"

"Which would be me," said Monica smugly. "I've been through enough to know when I've found my soulmate. Janice, you're the only one for me." She put a hand on her shoulder and caressed it. Janice wriggled out from under, pulled her hand from Phoebe's, and opened her mouth to speak, but Phoebe got in first.

"_You've _been through enough?" she said to Monica, forcing herself into the couch next to Janice and grabbing her hand again. "One lousy eating disorder! My mom _died_, I've lived on the _streets_. I'mthe one who's mature around here."

"Yeah, the one who believes every weird idea anyone ever came up with," scoffed Chandler. "I can provide Janice with security as well as love. Stick with me, Janice: I'll look after you." He took her other hand.

Janice pulled her hand away from him and jumped to her feet. "Oh – my – _God_! Will you people stop _grabbing_ me! None of you seems at all concerned with what _I_ want."

"Well, what doyou want, Janice?" said Rachel coolly. "You can't make things go back to the way they were before the strip, can you? Can't just wipe out what you did."

Janice looked around at them all, her face working. "What do I _want_? I _don't _want any of this!" she almost screamed. "It's bad enough you acting like you owned me, Chandler, but what I reallydon'twant is these two _mauling_ me every chance they get." She choked and pulled out a handkerchief. "Now you're gonna have to choose, Chandler: it's me or your _friends_." She almost spat the last word out. "We can put the rest right once that's settled." She sat down and started her mannerism of waving hands in front of her face, as if to cool herself down.

Chandler looked at her, seeming very shocked. "You're asking me to give up my friends, just because two of them think they're in love with you, as a result of your own actions?" he said. "I can't do that. I won'tdo that."

"Then it's _goodbye_!" she snapped, jumping to her feet again. She looked down at him, evidently expecting him to protest.

When he did not, her face changed, and she gave a great sigh. "So it's goodbye," she said in a different tone, rather quiet. "I'll never forget you, my Bing-a-ling." Handkerchief to her eyes, she almost ran out.

"You know," said Monica, when she had gone, "I almost felt sorry for her there."

"She did love me," said Chandler a little wistfully, "but not enough, or she would never have wanted to fool around with you two."

Gunther, who had been warned to expect fireworks, now came over. "So that's the end of Janice?" he said.

"Looks like it," said Phoebe cheerfully.

Gunther looked very relieved. "I don't know how you could stand all her mannerisms – and that awful laugh! So, do you want to order, Monica and Phoebe? Anyone else for a refill? Rachel?" He gazed at her lovingly.

"No thanks," she said obliviously.

Chandler said, "I'll buy whatever anyone wants." He took Monica's hand. "In fact, let's all go out to dinner. I feel like celebrating."

When Ross arrived a few minutes later, Chandler and Monica were still holding hands and gazing at each other fondly. "Hi, everybody," he said, then catching sight of Chandler and Monica, "Hey, what's this?"

"I've finished with Janice," said Chandler, "or rather, she's finished with me. Monica and I have realised that we have real feelings for each other, and I'm inviting everyone out to dinner to celebrate."

Ross frowned. "Well, that's … great, but how did you and Monica get together so quickly? What's been going on that I don't know about?"

"Sweetie, come sit by me," said Rachel hastily. "You haven't even kissed me yet."

This attempt to distract Ross appeared to work. "Oh baby, I'm sorry," he said, and sat down beside her to give her a kiss, to which she responded enthusiastically.

With a grateful glance at Rachel, Chandler said, "Okay, where shall we go for dinner?"

--

Much later, Ross and Rachel were in bed together in his apartment.

"You know," said Ross, "I still feel surprised about Chandler and Monica. I mean, it's so sudden."

"I think it's been close to the surface for some time," said Rachel, "and Janice has been jerking Chandler around a bit recently. Monica was bound to show up well by contrast. You've been working so hard, honey, that you've missed a lot of this." All of which was true, in a manner of speaking, she thought to herself, but she hoped that he would not keep probing. She ran a hand lightly over his chest and stomach.

"Oh Rachel," he said throatily, turning to her, "I am so glad that we finally got together."

"Oh, so am I," she said, embracing him enthusiastically.

Chandler and Monica were also in bed. Monica lay with her head on Chandler's shoulder, feeling utterly content. "I can't believe I feel so good," she said.

"You can't feel as good as I do," said Chandler, hugging her against him. "Despite everything that was said about me, I might add."

"Oh sweetie, you know we didn't really mean it," said Monica, "and besides, we said just as bad things about each other."

"Well, there was some truth in it," Chandler acknowledged, "but I feel that I can change, now that I have you. And if you never throw Phoebe in my face, I'll never throw Janice in yours. Deal?"

"Deal," said Monica happily, leaning over to kiss him again.


	3. Look Out, There's a Monster Coming

Chapter 3: Look Out, There's a Monster Coming Chapter 3: Look Out, There's a Monster Coming

Author's Note: this title comes from one of the less well known songs by the Bonzo Dog Band, whose best hit was the Urban Spaceman, way back in the mists of time (they also did In the Canyons of Your Mind, a fine version of The Monster Mash, Ali Baba's Camel, Mr. Apollo, the Intro and the Outro, and many other entertainments).

Okay, as stated in the introduction to ch. 1, enough interest has been shown to make me embark on a brief sequel to this; do not expect it to be very long. I will add to this chapter first, currently very short. As before, expect some rather immoral goings on, which _should not be taken too seriously_.

--

"Bang bang, my baby shot me down," Janice sang to herself. She had been singing it rather a lot recently, as she struggled to come to terms with the fact that, when she thought he truly loved her, Chandler had quite unexpectedly chosen his tedious friends over her. Though how they could remain friends, after some of the things that had been said, was more than she could see. Some of it had been really savage stuff, if right on the ball in her estimation. Okay, so the girls were attractive: but could Chandler really enjoy hanging out with Monica, for whom the word pernickety might have been coined, or Phoebe, who only had to hear some crazy idea to buy it, or Rachel, the very embodiment of a Jewish American Princess? And as for the men, Joey the stud had nothing in his head but food and sex, while Ross was a born professor with all a professor's faults. Surely she herself was more interesting company than any of them, never mind anything else.

Well, she had given things plenty of time to cool down. She decided she would allow herself a peek through the window of Central Perk, to see if he was there. She tantalised herself with a series of images: him sitting alone, looking unhappy; her cautious entry, and his half-unwilling show of pleasure at seeing her; her apologetic explanation of her behaviour, as the result of being freaked out by the totally unwanted attentions that Monica and Phoebe had virtually forced on her; her earnest statement that she had genuine feelings for him alone; his acceptance of her apologies; their reconciliation. She sighed and began to feel warm as she imagined them kissing.

She reached Central Perk and edged her face round the corner of the window, on the opposite side from where Chandler and the rest usually sat. What she saw made her freeze in amazement. There sat Chandler on the couch, and those dark heads on either side of him must be Monica and Joey. Phoebe was in one chair, Ross in another, with Rachel perched on his chair's arm. Phoebe appeared to be telling a story in a way that was making the others laugh. Had she, Monica and Chandler gotten over their anger with each other so fast?

Janice crossed to the other side of the street and snuck up again, aiming for a view of Monica and Chandler. What she saw made her gasp in sudden anguish. Chandler had his arm around Monica's shoulder, and both were looking very relaxed and contented.

In fact, they were behaving like a couple.

In a flash of insight, Janice perceived the truth. That whole scene in which Monica and Phoebe had fought over her was faked, a setup designed to drive her away. They had played her for a complete sucker.

Seething with rage, she stormed away. She would _absolutely_ pay them out for this, but she knew better than to charge in and confront them. No, this would require careful planning.


	4. Who Is Kidding Whom?

Chapter 4: Who Is Kidding Whom?

Author's Note: I must apologise for further delay. To be honest, since I announced my decision to continue this story and put up the reorganised version, with the short bit of new material as Ch. 3, I have had a minor operation, which has slowed me down (but no real problems), and I have also been distracted by thoughts of the next serious project (anyone interested in a lobsters story, starting at a point in Season 6 not used before, I think? I owe Ross and Rachel a get-together, after all that I've done to them in recent stories – though they get to have a little fun in this, which assumes their relationship as a given).

Today is the first day I was able to kick myself into actually putting some words down (as you might guess, I can be a terrible procrastinator), and once I started filling out what I already had in my mind, more followed naturally. This is still a bite-sized portion, but I thought I would put it up to assuage temporarily any hunger pangs for updates, and to show something of the direction the story is going to take. I am, after all, putting it up as a separate chapter, rather than adding it to Ch. 3, having decided that it will be much easier to bring it to people's attention that way.

This may not turn out to be as funny as I thought some of the original was, or as scandalous, but I make no promises on that last.

Warning: Anyone turned off by the very notion of f/f relationships involving any of the Friends should avoid it, but that should have been clear from the original anyway.

--

All the friends were gathered in Central Perk in their favourite spot, centring on the couch. Chandler and Monica were seated there, as had become normal, with Joey on the other side of Chandler and Phoebe and Rachel, who was just off shift, in chairs around them. Ross was hard at work on a paper and not expected until considerably later, if at all. It was early evening, and they were idly mentioning the small excitements and disappointments of their day, when suddenly the door crashed open and, of all people, Janice came storming in, to throw herself on her knees at Monica's feet, completely ignoring Chandler. She grabbed for and held Monica's left hand and gazed soulfully into her eyes.

"I've been a _fool_ about you, Monica!" she cried emotionally. "A total _jackass!_ I haven't been able to get you out of my head for _weeks!_ Please, please say you forgive me and give me another _chance!_"

The reactions of the friends was very varied. Monica simply gasped and went white, shrinking away from her a little. Rather inappropriately, Rachel snickered, then put her hand to her mouth, looking selfconscious. Joey simply gaped. Phoebe made shooing noises and gestures at Janice. Only Chandler seemed capable of speech.

"Monica is with _me_ now," he said very emphatically. "You missed your chance, Janice, though you didn't seem to want it anyway, when we last saw each other."

Janice ignored him, but her face showed pain as she continued to gaze into Monica's eyes.

"You can change so fast?" she said in a much softer tone. "After all you said – you want _him_ now?"

Monica still seemed hypnotised by Janice's gaze and unable to speak, but now Rachel cleared her throat loudly.

"You were all for him last time you were here," she said. "If you can want him – or so we all thought – why can't she?"

"I was a _fool!_" cried Janice, acting her heart out as she clutched her hair, releasing Monica's hand. "A great, big, self-deluded _fool! _I should have known, that night, who was my _true_ soulmate!"

Now Phoebe intervened. "Janice, your time has passed," she intoned impressively. "You had your chance with Monica and you blew it, big time."

Janice rounded on her. "I'm surprised to see you in the same room as Monica and Chandler," she said, her tone changing to fierceness, "after what you all said about each other that time. And you, Chandler – you've forgiven Monica 'Mr. Can't-Commit' real easily, haven't you?"

"I don't have to explain anything to you, Janice," Chandler said, sounding surprisingly self-possessed. "We are friends. We have our fights, and we make up. That's all you need to know."

"Yeah, and you're not our friend," said Joey sharply, "so why don't you go away and quit bothering us?"

" – and making a fool of yourself," Phoebe added, also sharply.

Again Janice took no notice of these other voices, returning her gaze to Monica. "All gone?" she repeated softly. "Everything you said to me, the morning after, and that night – it's all gone?"

Finally Monica spoke. "All g-gone," she stammered hoarsely.

Rachel winced at the obvious, to her, play-acting overtone in Monica's voice, but Janice appeared to take it seriously. She surveyed Monica for a moment, straight-faced, then got to her feet.

"I don't believe you," she said in a firm, undramatic voice. "I think you're deluding yourself. Well, I can understand that, because I did it too, with Chandler. But I can be patient. This isn't over."

Then, as abruptly, as she had come, she left.

Rachel broke the stunned silence that followed her departure. "Thank god Ross wasn't here," she said fervently. "He'd have wanted to know what that was all about."

"Do you really think she meant it?" Monica burst out. "Can Janice really have a c-crush on me?" She looked anxiously at Rachel and Phoebe.

Rachel pursed her lips. "Not sure. She seems capable of anything."

"She could have been play-acting, the way we were," said Phoebe thoughtfully.

"But why would she do that?" said Joey. "No way can she know, you were all acting, can she?"

Chandler sighed. "She's so self-dramatising anyway, it would be hard to tell if she was acting or not. We'll just have to wait and see." Suddenly he hugged Monica to him. "Don't worry, I won't let her steal you away."

"I don't _want_ her to steal me away," said Monica indignantly, sounding much more like herself. "It's just ... I felt kind of mean, for pretending to have feelings for her when I didn't, and now she seems to have feelings for me ... It's hard to know how to react to that."

As they were making sympathetic noises, Ross arrived, and with one accord the friends turned to him with a distinct sense of relief as a welcome distraction. He was gratified by the unusual attention that they showed him, even sitting through his somewhat extended account of an interesting article he had been reading without displaying the usual blatant signs of boredom and restlessness. Maybe I'm really getting through to them at last, he thought. He got so involved in what he was saying that he quite forgot to ask them why they were looking so seriously at Monica when he arrived.

When it occurred to him later, he decided that probably she had been sounding off about her horrible job and lack of progress in her career, and they had been showing sympathy. But by then he was relaxing after having put his best efforts into responding appropriately to an unusually enthusiastic Rachel, now cuddled in his arms, and he was distracted the moment after the thought came into his head by a kiss from her.

"M'm, honey, that was such good loving," she murmured sleepily. "You needn't worry that I'll ever be tempted to cross the line, if you can give me loving like that."

This made him feel a glow of pride, but the phrase 'cross the line' puzzled him. Was she referring to what Carol had done? But before he could question her, she fell asleep, and he turned his attention to very carefully getting his arm out from under her and moving her away, without waking her up.


	5. Janice Overreaches Herself

Chapter 5: Janice Overreaches Herself

Author's Note: Well, I have to say, this has not attracted all that much interest; admittedly, it has the most "adult" rating, which may have kept some readers away. But I've started, so I'll finish, as Magnus Magnusson used to say on _Mastermind_.

--

It quickly became clear that Janice was not fooling. The first sign was the extremely expensive looking bunch of lilies that was delivered to the apartment two days later, with a card reading "From your not so secret admirer".

"Ooh, lilies!" cried Monica ecstatically. "My favourite flower! How did Chandler know I liked them?"

Rachel, the only other one in the apartment at the time, peered at the card. "That doesn't look like Chandler's writing," she said.

"Well, who could it be then?" said Monica in puzzlement. They looked at each other in sudden alarm and said "Janice!" simultaneously.

"She knew I liked lilies?" said Monica questioningly.

"Maybe we talked about flowers we liked some time," said Rachel.

"But she _remembered!_" said Monica in a tone of pleasure.

Rachel looked at her suspiciously. "Monica, this is Janice! You know, the one who seduced you and dumped you – the one who told you to forget about Chandler, and ordered Chandler to have nothing to do with you, and wanted him to choose between us, his friends, and her – mean ol' manipulative _Janice_!"

"Yeah, I know," said Monica, looking a bit guilty. "But, uh, maybe she's sorry for that now. She kinda said she was ..."

"Monica!" Rachel snapped in exasperation. "You cannot possibly be taking this seriously. You're with Chandler now, and very happy about it, the way it looks."

"Yeah," said Monica, "but, well, he's never brought me flowers ..." Her voice was wistful. After a moment, she went on, increasingly hesitantly, "You know, when, when we were ... together ... Janice was ... kinda good to me ..." Her eyes had a faraway look and she was smiling slightly, as if she was reminiscing about something she had enjoyed.

"Monica!" Rachel virtually exploded. "I don't want to hear a word about that, and I think you should do your very best to put it right out of your mind! You cannot _conceivably_ be thinking of showing any kind of interest in Janice, after the way she treated you! Don't you know how upset Chandler would be? Can you imagine how the rest of us would feel?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know all that," said Monica distractedly. "It's just, well, if she really _does_ have feelings for me, it, it makes me feel kinda sorry for her, and I don't want to behave like a total bitch towards her."

"She was a bitch to you," said Rachel firmly. "I was there, remember? I don't think she deserves any sympathy."

"I guess you're right," said Monica, but she did not sound totally convinced. Rachel decided to leave it there, but she told Phoebe of this development at the next opportunity, when she came into Central Perk that evening, before the others.

Phoebe frowned. "Mmm, that's not good, is it? Particularly because Ross might notice the flowers and start asking questions, and wouldn't that open up a can of worms! Monica will have to come up with a cover story, and agree it with Chandler."

But when Chandler learned of the arrival of the flowers he was not willing to pose as the one who had given them to Monica.

"I'd much rather you threw them out," he said grumpily.

"But, Chandler, they're beautiful!" Monica protested.

"Whenever I see them, they'll remind me of things I try to keep out of my mind," he said.

She looked at him uneasily, knowing that he was not just referring to his relationship with Janice, but to Monica's brief dalliance with her.

"Oh, all right," she said a little snappily. "I'll dump them."

"Thank you," he said, giving her a warm smile.

Rather reluctantly she smiled back. "What I do for love," she said lightly.

"It will not go unappreciated," he assured her.

Monica gave a little involuntary shudder as she responded to the glint in his eyes, flushing and growing warm in certain strategic places. How does he do it? she thought. How does he have that effect on me? She returned his glance with a knowing look of her own, and had the satisfaction of seeing his expression become a little strained.

"This is gonna be a _long_ evening," he said in a mock-doleful voice that made her laugh.

--

But the flowers were only the start of Janice's campaign. Next she began to make appearances. She would peer through the window of Central Perk or even open the door and look in, as if searching for Monica, but if she saw that she was with someone else she would retreat and leave. Just once her gaze met Monica's and held for a moment, and Monica was almost shocked by the look of misery and yearning on her face before she sighed audibly and turned away. These sudden appearances began to make Monica jumpy, and she took care never to be in Central Perk on her own, for fear that Janice would approach her and start pressing her suit. It also worried her, for she could not help thinking that, whatever had been said on all sides before, Janice was displaying signs of having real feelings for her. This was distinctly unsettling, because her relationship with Chandler, amazingly passionate though it was in the bedroom, did have its downside. While Chandler was very obviously appreciative of their relationship, he nevertheless seemed to expect to spend as much time with Joey as before. In fact, he seemed to want everything to go on much as before, except that now they were sleeping together, with the knowledge of all their friends, and not expecting to date anyone else. In a way that she could not precisely define, she found this unsatisfactory.

Then she began to notice that Janice was sometimes around in the street when she left her apartment block to go to work. She would not be close, and she never followed Monica; in fact, she would only be visible for a moment before hurrying away. But it was obvious that she was hanging around simply to get a sight of Monica. As the days passed, this seemed to happen more and more frequently, so that Monica was no longer surprised but almost came to expect it, though, again, if she was ever with someone else Janice was not to be seen. Once, when she was on her own but Janice was not there, she even caught herself feeling a touch of disappointment. She shook her head and told herself not to be so totally dumb, that she should remember how Janice had behaved towards her the morning after the wild night, as she thought of it. But she could not get the idea out of her head that Janice might have changed, and have developed really serious feelings for her, and she found that sort of flattering. She kept it to herself, thinking that it was not worth troubling the others with it, particularly Chandler.

But then there came the day when Janice showed up in the Moondance Diner. She was quite discreet about it, so that Monica did not notice she was there until she caught the distinctive sound of her voice, telling Jeannine the waitress to give her compliments to the cook on "these _excellent_ Howdy Doody meatballs."

Monica jumped, nearly spilling the contents of her frying pan. Oh my god, she thought, she is truly stalking me. Pretty soon she's gonna be sitting at the counter and trying to talk to me. This is so _not_ what I want.

When Jeannine came to pass on the compliments, she said, "You can thank her for that, but tell her to get the hell out of my diner once she's done, and not come back."

Jeannine looked surprised. "Why are you coming on all savage like this?"

"She's _stalking_ me," Monica growled, "and I don't like it."

Jeannine raised her eyebrows. "Like, she has some kind of crush on you?"

"That's what she claims," said Monica between her teeth. "Tell her I don't want to see her."

Looking very intrigued, Jeannine went back to Janice. Watching, Monica saw her face fall as Jeannine passed on the message. She nodded and said something, then sat hunched over her plate, seeming to be thinking, no longer eating. Finally she sat up, took hold of her purse and got some money out, threw it on the table, then jumped up.

"Okay, Monica Geller!" she cried, pointing at her. "You can bar me from here, I guess, but I'm not giving up! Some day, you'll realise that my feelings for you are genuine, but all Chandler is interested in is a good lay. You'll see!"

Her voice seemed choked with emotion by the end, and she pulled a tissue from her purse and clutched it to her face as she hurried from the diner.

A stunned silence followed, while everyone looked at Monica for a moment and she wished she could vanish. But then conversation resumed, at a low level.

Jeannine came over. "So, is that why you didn't hit it off with Julio? You're really gay?"

"I am _not_ gay," Monica insisted angrily. "Chandler is my _boy_friend. She, she – " and then she caught herself before revealing more about her private life than Jeannine deserved to know. "She was his girlfriend before, and this, this is some twisted game she's playing."

Jeannine did not look convinced. "I'm guessing, there's more to it," she said, "but okay, it's your life." She picked up the coffee pot to take around.

When Monica finished up at the diner she was still mad. Being put on the spot in public like that had made her lose the vague feelings of sympathy she had for Janice. If Janice had been around when she left, she would have marched across and given her a real piece of her mind, but she was not to be seen. Still seething, she made her way home and poured out the whole story to Rachel, who was off shift and ready to listen sympathetically.

"So, now you're ready to believe, she's playing some game?" Rachel said.

"Yeah! If she really loved me, she wouldn't have tried to show me up and make me seem like some kind of bisexual slut," Monica fumed.

"Okay," said Rachel, nodding. "You think this is all to pay you out for taking Chandler away from her?"

"Yeah!" said Monica. "And I want the whole thing to stop!"

"We'd better talk it over with Chandler," Rachel said, "and Phoebe too. They may be able to come up with some plan, if you can't."

"I'm thinking about it," said Monica fiercely. "I tell you, if I see her hanging around on the street outside again, I'm gonna chase her off, maybe throw something."

"That's my girl," said Rachel in approval. "You know, perhaps we could even bring Ross in on this. All he needs to know is that Janice is mad because Chandler has chosen you over her, and is pretending to have these feelings for you. Then, if she shows up when he's there, he'll think he knows the background and won't ask awkward questions."

Monica frowned in thought. "Yeah, but ... what if she says something, you know, about what we all did that night?"

Rachel shrugged. "Either we say she's lying out of spite, or" – she grinned in a way that suggested she knew Monica would not like the alternative – "you confess all."

Monica shuddered. "He would go _postal_. Anything but that." She sighed. "I guess we will have to talk about it all."

Chandler and Joey came into the apartment a bit later, but while they were being brought up to date Ross appeared.

"What's going on?" he said. "You're all looking very serious."

Monica decided on the instant to follow Rachel's suggestion. "It's Janice," she said. "She's stalking me. It's all because she broke up with Chandler and then he started dating me."

"Stalking you how, and why?" Ross said, perplexed.

"She keeps being there when I go out," said Monica, "hanging around like she wants to catch a glimpse of me. And today she showed up at the diner; I had to tell her to go away." She sighed, and drew a breath, then got it out. "She's pretending she's in love with me now, not Chandler."

Ross looked stunned. "That's ... _weird_."

"Janice _is_ weird, man," said Joey emphatically. "For a while there, Chandler forgot that, which is how she came back into our lives. Now we have to find a way to get rid of her for good."

It was at that point that Phoebe showed up. Clearly she heard the last sentence, for she said, "Is this Janice you're talking about?" in a tone of interest.

Several of them started talking at once. Somehow Phoebe appeared to take in what they were saying, but shortly she waved her hands to stop them.

"Okay, okay," she said. "This is clearly a job for" – she struck a pose – "Superphoebe! Just leave it to me, guys."

"You sure you can handle this all on your own, Pheebs?" said Joey doubtfully.

"Oh, I'm not saying I won't call in a little help, from people I know," Phoebe said in a conspiratorial way. "But it's best you guys don't get involved. My methods may be ... unorthodox." She sounded completely assured.

"Well, okay," said Ross, though he did not seem wholly convinced.

"Thank you for your confidence in me," Phoebe said in a sharper tone. "Don't worry, I'll make a _really _cunning plan."

"I'm sure you will," Monica said trustingly. "Thank you, Phoebe, for coming to the rescue."

She gave her a warm hug, which seemed to please Phoebe. "Yeah, you can rely on me," she said.

"I hope so," said Chandler a bit dubiously.

She turned to him. "Of course, my services do not come absolutely for free," she said, "but I won't be, like, too demanding, either." She winked.

Chandler was left feeling uneasy, but he got no opportunity to discuss this further with Phoebe before the end of the evening.

End Note: That seems a suitably cliff-hanging moment on which to end. Everything will be wrapped up in the next chapter.


	6. Bonnie Takes a Hand, and All Ends Well

Chapter 6: Bonnie Gets Involved

Chapter 6: Bonnie Takes a Hand, and All Ends Well

Author's Note: I apologise for another long delay in updating, but here it is, the final chapter, and I hope it's considered worth the wait; it is a lot longer than the previous three. I gladly acknowledge the valuable support, comments and inspiration provided by Jana, which finally got me moving forward properly on this.

Bonnie was played in the show by Christine Taylor. The show never gives a name to Janice's daughter, so I have named her Maggie in honour of the actress Maggie Wheeler, who played Janice so well.

--

Phoebe was not nearly as confident about being able to deal with the Janice problem as she pretended, but she did at least know what she was going to do first. When she had an unusual problem to solve, she liked to talk it over with one of her more unusual friends, and for this one she had already decided to consult Bonnie. She was bi, like herself, and was in fact so interested in sex of any kind that she might fairly be called obsessed, but for that very reason she was a good person to consult in a matter that revolved around sex, relationships, and all that. She often displayed interest in Phoebe's stories of her friends, especially their love lives, and had been particularly intrigued by her story of how, after some scandalous goings on in which Phoebe herself was heavily involved, Chandler and Monica had unexpectedly fallen for each other, which made it necessary to cook up a plan to separate Chandler from Janice.

So, after getting as much information from Monica as she could about Janice's stalking activities, Phoebe went in search of Bonnie. She was uncertain whether she would be easy to find, but her luck was in: Bonnie was in one of her favourite bars, and was pleased to see her. Phoebe admitted candidly that she was looking for advice, and recounted all the recent developments in the Janice-Chandler-Monica story. Bonnie listened attentively; she grinned and shook her head when she heard that Phoebe had undertaken to deal with Janice.

"Sticking your neck out to show off again," she remarked. "H'm. Okay, what's Janice like?"

"Well," said Phoebe, "she's about your height, she has this mass of dark hair all coming down over her shoulders, she has a nice shape, but – "

"Gimme a break, Phoebe!" Bonnie cried. "You know what I meant. What's she like as" – she dropped her voice dramatically – "a _lover_? You should know, going by what you told me before."

"Oh, oh yeah," said Phoebe. She grinned. "Well, she knows what she's doing, all right. Likes being active. When we got together, the idea was, I was to get her off, but she wanted to be doing, and so we both wound up making it." She paused meditatively. "You know, I'd say she could be the best woman I've been with ..." She paused again, until Bonnie looked ready to protest, then, as she finally began to speak, grinned at her wickedly and overrode her with "after yourself, of course."

"Oh, you!" said Bonnie, playing punching her on the shoulder. "So, you'd say she was eager, huh?"

Phoebe nodded. "Real eager."

"Well, that certainly sounds interesting," said Bonnie in a satisfied-sounding tone.

"Why, what did you have in mind?" said Phoebe curiously.

Bonnie shook her head. "Nothing, like, specific just yet, but it's always useful to have as much information as possible when laying plans. Hey, didn't you tell me she was still married?"

"Yeah," said Phoebe, "but only, like, technically. She's moved out."

"Still, it's handy to know," said Bonnie enigmatically. "Okay, lemme do some thinking about this."

"But what's your view?" said Phoebe rather insistently. "Do you think this crush on Monica is for real?"

"Not a chance," said Bonnie emphatically. "Look, before, she was hung up on Chandler big time, to go by what you said. It just doesn't figure that she should so suddenly develop a big thing for Monica."

"Yeah, that's what Monica was thinking after the diner incident," said Phoebe. "She finally agreed with Rachel, this was some game Janice was playing. But she goes to and fro on it; when I was getting all the details from her, you could see that she still wasn't certain in her own mind. Okay, she got mad at Janice in the diner, but my feeling is, she's still not sure if Janice is for real or not, and it's messing her up. And I don't like to see Monica get messed up, because she's anal, and oh so competitive, but I love the little control freak."

She spoke so vehemently that Bonnie looked at her in surprise. "You, uh, you didn't do anything with Monica yourself, on this famous night of wild drunken misbehaviour?" she enquired lightly, grinning at Phoebe.

Phoebe shook her head, looking quite serious. "No. I'll be honest, I would have tried, except it wasn't the right moment. She had obviously gotten herself all emotional over what she'd done with Chandler, and she needed support, not another pass. I still got to do Chandler _and_ Janice, just like she did, only the other way round," she added, looking proud of her achievement.

"Right," said Bonnie slightly impatiently. "Let's keep our eye on the ball here. Okay, I've got a kind of outline of how I'm thinking we could handle this, so I'm gonna lay it out, and any input from you will be gratefully received."

"Fine," said Phoebe. "But remember, we don't just have to figure a way to get Janice to lay off. I want her to _admit_ it's all fake, to ease Monica's mind."

--

Janice had been wondering whether she might have pushed things too far with her appearance at Monica's diner, and she left it a few days before pulling another of her 'in the background, looking at Monica going off to work' stunts. She prepared carefully, taking a day off work, of which she was due some, but leaving Maggie with her mother, who was always happy to have her because Maggie was her only grandchild. This was all to give herself maximum freedom of action, because she had no idea how things might develop after her dramatic scene in the diner. Monica's evident anger could suggest that she was trying to get Janice out of her head as well as out of the diner. Maybe she was not indifferent, after all. It would be especially piquant if she did decide to respond. After all, she had been a nice lay, if inexperienced, and it would be a great way to get back at the whole bunch, to bed Chandler's new girlfriend and maybe drive a wedge between them. Suppose, just suppose, when she saw Janice hovering, she turned and came towards her ...

She hissed, and shook herself. This was going way too far, and she was in danger of losing herself in her fantasy and missing the moment when Monica appeared. She focused her attention on the door to Monica's apartment block, ready to disappear in a moment if she noticed someone with Monica.

There she was, the little cutie, looking around nervously. Janice showed herself, and grinned as Monica seemed to twitch when she appeared. But then something unusual happened. Monica turned to the doorway and called out something, and Phoebe appeared. Monica pointed, and Phoebe started walking determinedly in Janice's direction, her face set.

This wasn't good. Janice backed away, making "Okay, I'm taking off" gestures, but this did not seem to have any effect on Phoebe except to make her walk faster. It looked like she aimed to catch Janice and ... what then? As if in answer to her question, Phoebe held up a fist and banged it into the other palm.

This wasn't good at all. Janice turned and began to walk hurriedly to the next corner. but looking over her shoulder she saw that Phoebe was still in pursuit and was still gaining on her. Now thoroughly alarmed, Janice broke into a run, looking this way and that for somewhere she could take refuge. Ah, a bar! But it was shut, and so was the delicatessen next to it, which didn't open until ten according to a notice on its door. She glanced back: Phoebe was now only a few yards away, her face showing a ferocious expression that quite unsettled Janice, who had never seen her even lose her temper.

A coffee shop, and open. Thanking her lucky stars, Janice hurled herself through the door and hastened to the interior, brushing past a startled waitress, then sat in the nearest free seat, panting. Looking around, she saw that there was someone else at the same table, a rather attractive woman about her own age who was wearing a colourful knitted cap on her head.

"Someone after you?" said the woman, looking concerned.

"Yeah," Janice gasped. "She, uh, I think she means to do me harm ... omigod, there she is!"

Phoebe had entered the coffee shop and was looking round.

"Don't you worry, I'll see to her," said the knitted-cap woman, getting up. She advanced on Phoebe. "Don't you start bringing stuff into my favourite coffee shop!" she said fiercely. "Screw on out of here, you lanky bitch!"

Phoebe looked taken aback. "Okay, okay, no need to get tough," she said placatingly, and backed out, but at the door she yelled, "You haven't heard the last of this, Janice!"

The knitted-cap woman stood, arms folded, until Phoebe had left, then returned to the table. "So you're Janice," she remarked, smiling. "Cute name. I'm Bonnie. I suggest you hang around in here a while, until she's definitely gone. You want a coffee?"

There was something in the way she was looking at Janice that was undoubtedly intriguing. Janice relaxed, and smiled in response. She had told her mother that she couldn't say just when she'd be back, so she had time to see if this was going to lead anywhere ...

"I'd love a coffee," she said in a slightly sexy way.

Bonnie's smile expanded to a grin. "Great," she said emphatically.

--

"You really like it like that, all shaved off?" said Janice, touching Bonnie's bare head in a rather gingerly way.

"Sure," said Bonnie easily. "It's not like it's anything special when it's full grown, except that it's blond, and I don't have all these problems about split ends and bad hair days and all that. Now, if I had hair as great as yours – " She ran her hands through Janice's flowing locks, evidently enjoying the sensation.

"Mmm," went Janice, almost purring. "Kiss me, lover."

Bonnie obliged, and they made out for a while, becoming more and more passionate. Hands went over bodies, then inside shirts and, eventually, Janice's bra – Bonnie turned out not be wearing one – then down waistbands. Janice produced a groan of mixed pleasure and need as Bonnie's hand found a very important spot.

"Oh wow!" said Bonnie. "Is that all for real? Oh Janice, can I ... can we ...?" She looked at Janice like a child pleading for candy.

Janice produced her bird-scaring laugh. "Hell, why not? We were gonna get there sooner or later. Let's get naked," she said eagerly.

They sat up on Bonnie's bed, tossed aside already unbuttoned shirts, then shifted and struggled energetically, backs to each other, to get off socks, pants and panties, and finally turned to each other completely naked.

Janice grinned delightedly. "So, you're blonde all over? Very nice too; in fact, you're a nice sight altogether."

Bonnie was gaping. "That's the best bush I've ever seen," she said in a voice of awe.

"Yes, isn't it? It should be, like, preserved for the nation," said a third voice, and both turned to see Phoebe standing in the doorway, grinning.

"What the hell?" cried Janice, as Bonnie grabbed her wrists. "What's going on here? Bonnie, lemme go!"

"No way," said Bonnie, as Phoebe came forward to help subdue a wildly struggling Janice.

"I'll scream," Janice threatened, sounding as if she meant it.

"Now, you wouldn't want to do that," said Bonnie reproachfully. "Think what your husband's lawyer might make of it, that you, the mother of his kid, had been found naked with two other women."

"But we won't tell on you," said Phoebe. "We just want you to agree to lay off – stop giving Monica the idea that you have real feelings for her, and write something that admits it was all to get at her and Chandler."

"Ha! Make me," Janice snarled. "You've got no real hold over me, apart from that, and I'm betting you'd never use it. I don't believe you'd be that _cruel_, to do something that might mean my Maggie was taken away from me!" Her voice shook a little.

Bonnie's and Phoebe's eyes met, and Phoebe sighed. "Okay, Janice," she said. "You're right, we wouldn't use it. But I think we have other ways of, like, persuading you ..."

--

Phoebe marched into the apartment, looking very pleased with herself. Monica and Chandler, alerted by phone, looked at her expectantly.

"Here you are," she said, holding out a piece of paper to Monica. "A full and free confession."

Monica read it aloud. "I admit that I have no true feelings for Monica, although she is one sexy broad, and that my saying so and stalking her has been all pretence, to get back at her and Chandler. I acknowledge that she has him now, the lucky slut, and I swear that I will make no attempts to get him back or to make either of them uncomfortable. I further state that I no longer have any interest in either of them. Signed, Janice Litman."

"Strange language for a confession," Chandler commented, while Monica looked rather put out by the reference to her as a slut.

"It was the best we could get," said Phoebe. "We didn't want to be toohard on her."

(_"If you want me to cooperate," Janice said firmly, "you'll let me write it like that."_

_"Okay, honey," said Bonnie easily. "It's not really gonna make any difference to them how it's phrased, is it, Pheebs?"_

_"I doubt it," said Phoebe. "Anyway, it might be fun to see how they react." She snickered._)

"Just how did you get her to do it?" said Monica, sounding uneasy. "I, I hope you didn't actually _hurt_ her, Phoebe."

"Well, we had to get a little rough," said Phoebe casually.

(_"Oh god, I can't stand__it!" Janice moaned. "Oh guys, pleeeease!!"_

_"All you have to do is agree," said Bonnie rather fiercely. "C'mon, you know perfectly well you're not interested in Monica really, are you?"_

_"Aaagghh!" Janice groaned. "Oh – my – GODDD ..." Her limbs were tensed, her body shaking._)

"In the end, we really had to apply some serious pressure," Phoebe continued, eyeing the increasingly queasy expressions on Monica's and Chandler's faces with hidden relish.

(_"Oh NOOOOO!!" Janice howled. "Oh, don't DO that to me, not AGAIN, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!"_

_"You know what you need to do," Phoebe pointed out, with the weary air of someone who has said the same thing more than once. "We've made it perfectly plain."_)

"No, Phoebe!" Monica cried in distress. "You really hurt her? I didn't want that!"

"Me neither," said Chandler in real alarm. "Was that necessary?"

Phoebe looked at them serious-faced for a moment longer. Then she grinned and snickered.

"I'm jerking your chain," she said. "What we were doing was, stimulating her so that she came close to orgasm, and then stopping just before she hit it and letting her cool down. Bonnie's really good at that, judging the moment before it becomes unstoppable. Of course, I was holding Janice down, so she couldn't get herself off."

Both Monica and Chandler sighed audibly with relief.

"So, eventually she caved?" Chandler asked in a relaxed way.

"Well, not precisely," said Phoebe.

(_"Okay," Janice gasped between pants. "Okay, okay, you win! I'll do it! Now will you __**PLEASE**__ GET ME OOOOOFFF!!" she wailed, with real desperation in her voice._

_"You got it," said Bonnie cheerfully. She bent to her work, and within a minute Janice was yelling out her joy at finally being able to come. Phoebe found watching her uninhibited writhings and buckings, accompanied by rapturous cries, quite uncomfortably arousing. Maybe she'll be interested in some more, after we've got the business out of the way, she thought._

_Janice gave a long contented sigh. "Haven't had one like that ever," she said. "Thanks, Bonnie."_

_"It was a pleasure," said Bonnie heartily, though her voice sounded strained to Phoebe. _

_Is she feeling like me? Phoebe wondered. Aloud, she said, "Okay, Janice, in a minute or so we're gonna sit you up and have you write out something to satisfy us."_

_Janice chuckled weakly. "How you gonna make me now?" she said. "You used up your secret weapon."_

_Bonnie sighed and looked at Phoebe. "What do we do with the little bitch?" she said, her tone suggesting unwilling admiration. "She totally fooled us."_

_Gazing at Janice's body, spread out slack-limbed on the bed, Phoebe had an inspiration. She stepped forward and placed a hand firmly on Janice's bush. Janice wriggled slightly._

_"Mmm, feels really nice," Phoebe said. "I guess you must be __**so**__ proud of it, Janice."_

_"Everyone I've been with has liked it," Janice said in a pleased tone._

_"It's so soft," Phoebe continued, "like you never even cut it close."_

_"Oh no," said Janice, sounding shocked. "I would never do that. I just trim it now and then, very carefully."_

_"Yeah, it would be a pity to shave off such a work of art," said Phoebe meditatively. "Tell you what, Bonnie: why don't we just shave half of it off?"_

_"What?" cried Janice, starting up, but Phoebe pushed her down again and Bonnie took firm hold of her arms._

_"Now that's a real threat," said Bonnie seriously. "Wouldn't hurt you, even, as long as you held still."_

_"Oh guys," said Janice, sounding really upset, "you wouldn't really do that, would you?"_

_"Desperate times call for desperate measures," said Phoebe sententiously. "I don't know, maybe we could leave the outline but kind of mess it up, cut bits out of it, shave paths through it, stuff like that. What do you think, Bonnie?"_

_Janice moaned desolately and her face showed anguished concentration. Evidently she was trying to think of a way out, and not seeing one. _

_"Tell you what, Janice," said Bonnie in a kind tone. "Do what we ask, and not only will we leave your bush alone – it really would be a shame to spoil it – but we will give you the __**best**__ loving. Won't we, Phoebe?"_

_"Oh yeah!" said Phoebe eagerly. "Nothing but the best – but you have to do what we want, Janice. Is it so much to ask, really?"_

_Janice sighed and was still silent for a moment. Then she said, in a quiet voice, "You know, I really did love Chandler. He knows about this, I guess?"_

_"All he knows is, I said I would get you to lay off," said Phoebe. "Neither he nor Monica knows how I was gonna manage it."_

_"Do you really miss him so much?" said Bonnie, now sounding rather sympathetic. _

_"Don't forget," said Phoebe, "he was quite willing to go with me and Monica. That suggests he wasn't, like, so committed to you in his mind as all that."_

_"Yeah, typical man," said Bonnie, with more than a touch of derision. "Thinking with his cock."_

_"Well, I did kind of push him and you into it," said Janice gloomily, looking at Phoebe. "We were all rather drunk, I guess."_

_"Nothing to how drunk Monica got later," said Phoebe with a snicker._

_Janice did not respond to this, but after a few more moments of silent thought she sat up, seeming suddenly invigorated._

_"Okay, I'll do it," she said. "But I hope you weren't fooling, about a payoff if I do it, I mean."_

_"You'll get your reward, Janice," said Bonnie, putting an arm round her. "This started as a set-up, but if it hadn't been, well ... I __**like**__ you, Janice."_

_"That's nice," said Janice, smiling at her. "No one's liked me for quite a while. Okay, we need pen and paper ...")_

"A dire threat," Chandler commented. "Wouldn't work on you, darling, would it?" He gave Monica a brief hug, grinning at her.

Monica giggled. "No, I've got little to lose."

"Right," said Phoebe. "But now we come to the small matter of payment. You may remember my mentioning, my services did not come free?"

They looked at her warily.

Chandler cleared his throat. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, well," Phoebe beamed at him sunnily. "You know, that little encounter we had was, like, the most fun. Could we repeat it?" She turned her gaze to Monica. "Of course, it would be even more fun if you were there too. That would be like the icing on the cake." Ignoring their stunned expressions, she added, after a moment, "Of course, I wouldn't expect more than just the one time."

Silence followed, as Chandler and Monica looked at each other, both plainly extremely uneasy.

"Look, you guys," said Phoebe in a sterner tone, "I put in a lot of effort for you, and some of what I did, well, people might say it wasn't, like, _nice_. Who knows how much bad karma I might have gotten from it – "

"Okay, okay," Monica broke in, "you made your point, Phoebe. Look, will you let me and Chandler talk about it a little, please? It, this is not something we can decide just on the spur of the moment."

Phoebe thought for a moment, and nodded. "Okay. But I want a reply in twenty-four hours."

"We, we are talking, just you?" Monica stammered. "Not Bonnie as well?"

"No, Bonnie's fine," said Phoebe. "She is completely satisfied with how we settled things." She could not help giggling at the double meaning in her words.

(_"Oh my goooddd," Bonnie murmured slowly as she began to relax. "Phoebe, great as always, but, Janice, that was a revelation! Think we could date, no hard feelings and all that?"_

_"Sure, Bonnie," said Janice easily. "And, yeah, no hard feelings of the kind you mean. But do you have any interest in toys?"_

_Her arch tone sent both Phoebe and Bonnie into a fit of laughter._

_"I always thought you were fun, really," said Phoebe,giving her a brief hug._

_"Yeah, it takes women like us to really appreciate you," said Bonnie._)

Phoebe winked slowly and deliberately at Chandler and Monica, got to her feet and walked out, leaving them staring after her with stunned expressions.

--

"Ding dong, the witch is dead!" carolled Rachel as she entered the apartment. "Phoebe called me with the news." Her eyes took in the wine bottles on the table, one empty, one still three-quarters full. "I see you're celebrating."

Chandler shook his head. "No, thass exac'ly _not_ what we're doing," he said mournfully. "We started drinking because, because ..." He looked at Monica. "Why did we start?"

"Because we dunnowata_do_!" cried Monica, violently banging her fist on the table with the last syllable. It was immediately evident that she had drunk more of the wine than Chandler. "Oh god, Raysh, you gotta help us, pleashe, pleashe!" She looked at her imploringly.

"Of course I'll help," said Rachel, rather alarmed by this behaviour. "What's the problem?"

"It'sh Phoebe," they chorused.

Slowly, for they kept interrupting each other and neither was exactly coherent, Rachel got the story out of them. When they had finished, she was looking very serious.

"Thank god Ross didn't find you like this," was the first thing she said. "Luckily, he already told me, he's working on a paper tonight. With the state you're in, he would be bound to find out what's been going on. Does Joey know?"

They shook their heads, looking at her in surprise at her severe tone.

"Well, what I suggest is, you start sobering up," she said. "I'll go deal with Phoebe."

"You, you think she'll ... listen to you?" said Chandler dubiously.

"She'll listen," Rachel said fiercely.

--

"Phoebe, how can you do this to them?" Rachel raged. "They aren't just fooling around, like you were with Chandler and Janice that time, and have been with Bonnie, it sounds like from Chandler's ramblings, and, yeah, I bet you and Bonnie and Janice all had yourselves a good time today, didn't you, once things were settled?"

Seeming to shrink under her glare, Phoebe nodded and muttered, "It was part of the deal." She brightened. "It was a really good time."

"Everyone's sex mad," said Rachel in a voice of doom. "Well, we knew that of Joey already, but ... Oh well, I guess you did a good job between you, you and Bonnie, and you deserved a little fun. But Pheebs, Monica and Chandler are in love, even if they haven't quite admitted it to each other yet."

"Really, like, in _love_?" Phoebe queried.

"Uh-huh," said Rachel very firmly. "Remember, I see a lot more of them than you do. Monica's just like she was when she was with Richard, and Chandler, well, you should see the way he smiles at her. And they're always kissing and stuff; in fact, they're as bad as me and Ross!" She giggled. "So, anyway, think of something else, okay? A dinner and a movie, or a show, something you've always wanted to see but can't afford, or, yeah, how about a new outfit? I could advise, on that."

"No, it's, it's okay, Rachel," said Phoebe in a subdued voice. "You're right. If they're really in love and not just, you know, doing it, I couldn't expect it." She sighed. "Think they're set, they'll be a couple?"

Rachel looked at her closely. "Don't tell me _you_ have a thing for Chandler, and you're disappointed? Or" – her voice sharpened – "is it Monica? You hung up on her, since that night?"

Phoebe sighed again. "I have been. I always had ... sort of feelings, from when I lived with her, but ... seeing her that night ... she was so cute, Rachel! But," she shrugged, "likely it would never have come to anything, if I had made a pass. So, as the blues says it," she burst into brief song,

"You can't spend what you ain't got,

you can't lose what you ain't never had."

Rachel looked at her sympathetically. "You wanna go out, have a drink or two? I'm at a loose end this evening. Ross is working on a paper again."

Phoebe smiled up at her. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

"I'll just call Chandler and Monica, tell them you've reconsidered," Rachel said. "Unless you'd like to do that."

"You do it, Rachel," said Phoebe humbly. "I think Monica would want to yell at me."

Rachel snorted. "The condition she was in, I doubt she could have strung a sentence together, but, yeah, I guess she would try. Okay, I'll handle it. Use your phone?"

"Sure," said Phoebe. "I'll get ready to go out."

--

When Rachel got back to the apartment after several drinks with Phoebe, she found Monica and Chandler, apparently sober again, watching TV with Joey. Monica jumped up and ran to embrace her.

"Miracle worker!" she cried. "Oh Rach, I'm gonna cook you the best dinner ever!"

Rachel smiled and hugged her back. "But, Mon, you know what?" she said quite seriously, when they parted. "It would be nice if you would make it a meal Phoebe could eat too. She's feeling guilty now, but she did do what she promised, and she dropped this payment idea as soon as I said that you guys were truly into each other."

"Yeah, okay," said Monica. "I know some great vegetarian recipes."

"Oh no!" Joey groaned. "Does it _have _to be vegetarian? Couldn't you do one thing for Pheebs and something else for the rest of us?"

Monica was opening her mouth to speak when Rachel rounded on him. "Who said you were invited, greedy?" she said, smiling to show she was not wholly serious. "Or that Phoebe is the only one who likes vegetarian food? It would do you good to eat a meatless meal for once in your life."

"Plenty of Italian dishes don't involve meat," Monica pointed out.

Joey's mouth had been open to protest, but now he shut it again. "Well, yeah, I guess," he muttered.

"I bet your mom packed you with pasta when you were a kid," Rachel added. "And you eat lots of pizzas."

"Yeah, but at least you get cheese on pizza," Joey protested. "Phoebe won't even eat cheese!"

"I'll come up with something for everyone, and everyone's invited," said Monica hospitably. "Whichever of us sees Ross first tells him, okay, Rach?"

"I can do better than that," said Rachel. "I was gonna call him now, see if he wants me to go over. I can give him a censored version of the whole thing."

"Great idea," said Monica, beaming at her. "We'll work it out before you go."

Rachel picked up the phone and found Ross eager for her company. As she gathered a few things together, she and Monica decided on an agreed version of events for Ross to hear. Then she hurried off, Joey told Chandler and Monica goodnight, and they were left looking at each other. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, then without a word raced each other to Monica's bedroom. Monica won, being nearer, but was immediately hurled onto the bed by Chandler's rush. Giggling madly, they rolled around together, tearing at each other's clothes ...

Much later, Chandler lay on his back, with Monica snuggled into his side, both very relaxed and content.

After a while, Monica said, "What are you thinking about, honey?"

"Well," said Chandler in a thoughtful kind of way, "I know Janice is kinda crazy, but I still find it hard to believe that she would go to those lengths because of losing me to you. And then Phoebe seems to want a repeat performance of our little episode together. I mean, what is this? Am I secretly irresistible to women, and I just didn't know it?"

Monica giggled happily and leaned in to kiss him. "No, honey, or you'd have had a lot more success than you did before me. But you're a king in my book."

Chandler turned his head to grin at her. "If I'm a king, that makes you my queen."

"Mmm, I like that," said Monica, moving closer to him.

He turned on his side, swept her into his arms, and was about to kiss her when she said, "No, wait, I have a question. If I'm your queen, what does that make Phoebe?"

Her grin showed Chandler that she was teasing. He thought for a moment.

"Oh, I guess she can be a Lady of the Bedchamber," he said, and then smothered Monica's giggles with his kisses.


End file.
